if alex had a kid... 

• alex: remember, as your dad is a badass, you also have to be one
• kid: but you're not ba-
• alex: you'll have to be in a band and be an awkward and adorable teenager... just like i was
• kid: okay
• alex: you'll also have to have a skinny model as a girlfriend
• kid: i see
• alex: and then you'll get a side project, a new band with your best mate, you see?
• kid: yeah
• alex: and you'll have to act gay with him
• kid: wh-
• alex: and then you'll grow your hair and you'll have to look high as hell
• kid: ...i-
• alex: and you'll look hot as hell and then you'll cut your hair and make a quiff!!
• kid: da fu-
• alex: and you'll use leather jackets and cowboy shirts...
• kid: ...
• alex: oh and remember! use always the same jeans and boots
• kid: ...
• alex: then you'll do a tattoo and self-promote it in your band's video, by shoving it to the camera, yeah?
• kid: i'm sorry dad. i don't want to look ridiculous.

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